Good mother, Bad mother....

A good mother....

gives enough space to the big kids to play and learn but checks up on them now and then to make sure they are being kind to each other when they think Mom is too busy.

reminds her children gently that some habits are hard to break when they are older so do it now (ex. keep your promise to your sister)

knows when to direct attention elsewhere or to each other

makes children have chores and work but works with them happily

knows when she puts too much work on them or is asking for too much

smiles often

goes with the flow so smoothly and quietly

trusts only in Jesus for the right way to guide and lead.



a bad mother...

nevermind, too many of these ideas hit home and make me feel worse.

a very small light is up ahead...

I can barely see it but it is there. I have been in such a dark place for months now....maybe it has been years. But these last few months have been darker than usual, like after Bud died. Sometimes, rarely, I can see God's love for me, how much He cares for me and then that light appears again. But it goes away....again and again. I want to be alive. I am hoping this really is just from being pregnant, like Ben says. He says I am always like this in pregnancy. I can see that now. But it was for different reason each time, except these last two feel the same. Spring really is here and it feels great! It is healing. We found morel mushrooms today (Joanna and I) and yesterday, me and the kids. We found about 12-14 all together and we are about to grill a steak and try them out! Ben is up north cutting down trees in the U.P. on our land. Just me and the kids for a few days. It hurt so bad that he left without us. I was so excited to go up there and feel it all out.

I hope that the kids will look back and remember only the goods times, the "good" mommy. But I do want and need them to see the truth about me....as much as it hurts that I have laid my burdens on them.

Morning Sickness is a real treat...

...it takes all the joy out of being pregnant. Well almost all the joy. In those few moments right after I eat "the right thing", then my head clears and joy returns at the thought of who this next child will be, #4 for us. But seriously, I am getting quite depressed being this sick. I think it has a a lot to do with it being winter, and we just had the coldest week ever. Food and I are not friends right now, I cannot trust food. Well, I asked Ben to pick up some of those new baked subs from Dominoes on his way home from working with my brother today in town...and they sound awesome right now but we'll see about later. It is a beautiful day today and I refuse to sit here and be sick today. I'm going outside with the kids, sledding or walking or something. I should go see my midwife soon, let her know we may or may not need her end of August/early September. Okay maybe I can do this unassisted and she's all for letting us try but maybe I really would love to have a whole lot of women that have been here surrounding me. Yeah, that would be my dream birth. All these strong women around me, women that have also had babies at home or just are strong enough to allow it and believe in our bodies. It would be Sarah, Jane, Raquel, Marietta, Susan, Christine, and even Joanna so later she could know she could also follow in my footsteps, and have much more confidence. I would love to have my mom if she just trusted in nature and not "the system"....we'll see how it goes. I realize now it's all about staying calm and relaxed during labor. I just got so scared so soon last time and it made it not so easy.

Not so simple day...

I'm feeling low. When I think of the logic I know I am not alone in this but it still brings me down. I figured I would just post what I am thinking since I started this blog to be like a diary. When a mother is a SAHM, she can't help but feel that all her bad qualities are being watched and then picked up by her kids. Maybe working out of home moms feel the same way but I'm sure the pressure is much more severe for a mother who stays home. How could we not feel this way. How can you learn to not be so hard on yourself. I really think there should be groups of mothers getting together for support. I love La Leche League but even if you don't breatfeed, she still need mothering support. There really is just too much pressure to keep it all together for mothers these days. I believe in the bible as bottom line TRUTH and so I know when it tells the older woman to teach the younger to love their husbands and children (Titus 2), if that job or task is left undone for the most part in the world, something will be lacking...something will suffer. That is why so many women are lost and scared and unsure and OVERWHELMED! I am overwhelmed today.

~woolies~

My Favorite Bumper Sticker

"You all laugh at me because I am different but I am laughing because you are all the same"

Life Simple? Simple Life!

No, life is not simple. So why not simplify it all that you can so that the difficult stuff is easier to deal with. If that is possible. So here's some ideas...drive a car you can afford. I mean a PAID FOR NO CAR PAYMENT POSSIBLY OLDER car. Live in a place you can afford. Eat what you can afford. Do what you can afford. Trust your own body more and take care of it. Eat healthy, live healthy and maybe the doctor bills will lesson. Maybe, God willing of coarse.